


Closer to F.I.N.E.

by tonnaree



Category: X-Files - Fandom
Genre: F/M, a smidge of UST, a tad of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 18:59:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2281023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonnaree/pseuds/tonnaree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Character study/vignette</p>
            </blockquote>





	Closer to F.I.N.E.

"Mulder, I'm fine." In wardly Scully flinched at  
her own words. Years of repetition made them sound  
false even to her ears. She watched as Mulder bit  
back any further comment and turned from her with a  
sigh. "Gee," she thought, "I've got him well trained.  
He doesn't even to push the subject." The evil voice  
that lived in her head piped up, "Isn't that what you  
want Dana"? Scully rarely bothered to tell the voice  
to shut up anymore. It did no good. 

She bent back over her paperwork trying to regain  
concentration. Unfortunately the evil voice was not  
done with her. "Mulder, I'm fine...Mom, I'm  
fine...Bill, I'm fine." An endless singsong loop of  
denial danced in her brain. It was all she could do  
not to clamp her hands over her ears. She settled for  
raising a palm to her forehead as if checking for  
fever. "When was the last time I was actually fine."   
"Not for a long time, if ever."

Still the evil voice continued. "Dad, I'm  
fine...Skinner, I'm fine...Melissa, I'm fine."   
Melissa! With sudden clarity Scully remembered the  
last time she had tried to brush her sister off with  
an "I'm fine." Melissa had laughed disgustedly, stood  
there with hands on hips and hit Scully with one of  
those new-agey sayings she was always spouting. At  
the time Scully had ignored her sister's self-help  
rhetoric as usual, but as the words came back to her  
they now rang with truth.

"Hey Dana, anone ever told you that F.I.N.E.  
stands for Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and  
Emotional"!! Scully could not supress a smile at the  
memory. That was a pretty good one Missy. "Yep,  
that's me, F.I.N.E." Let's go down the list she  
thought.

Fucked up, well, who wouldn't be fucked up with  
all I've been through in the last six years?   
Abductions, cancer, the loss of my father and sister,  
and let's not even talk about genetic mutants and  
death fetishists! I have every right to be fucked  
up.

Ok, now for Insecure. Let's see, I leave my  
chosen field of medicine, against my parents wishes.   
I join a fiercely competitive, male dominated  
government agency where I spend every day trying to  
prove myself to the boys club. That could make one  
insecure.

On to Neurotic. Well, I found out that the world  
is in danger of a hostile alien invasion. I'm never  
really sure which of my supeiors are for or against  
this idea. And my partner periodically ditches me to  
chase down bits of the truth pertaining to this grand  
conspiracy. Oh yea, I've got neurotic covered in  
spades.

And speaking of my partner, I'm in love with him.  
How's that for Emotional? Despite the dangers,  
despite the risks, despite his dogged determination to  
drive me crazy, I'm in love with him. From the soles  
of his too big feet, to the tip of his almost too big  
nose, I love Fox Mulder. But how do you bring up love  
in the midst of little green (excuse me, grey) men and  
sentient black oil? He's my partner, he's my friend,  
he's everything. He knows I'd die for him, but how do  
I tell him that I want to live for him, with him.   
Emotional doesn't begin to cover it. And if I stop to  
contemplate whether or not he feels the same, well  
then we can just run through fucked up, insecure and  
neurotic all over again!

Scully took a deep breath and stared at the  
mountain of paper before her. "All this ruminating  
will not magically make expense accounts and field  
reports sort themselves." She attacked the piles  
anew, trying to bring order to Mulder's casual chaos.

She must've been flinging the files a little more  
vigorously than she intended because moments later she  
felt two hazel eyes boring in to the top of her head.   
Looking up she once again found Mulder gazing at her  
with concern. She could tell it was "concern" by the  
furrowed brown and pouting lips. (God, Mulder even  
manages to make concern look hot.) "Scully, are you  
sure you're ok"? "Mulder, I'm...." Before the  
standard answer could spring again from her lips  
Scully stopped. Looking in to those pools of green,  
seeing there the need to be needed, the desire to  
comfort. Why, she ask heself, did she constantly turn  
away from what she most wanted? From the person she  
most loved? So, for once, she didn't. "Actually  
Mulder, I feel like hell.........."

 

END

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies to Amy and Emily for the title.


End file.
